REAL LOVE IN MARRIAGE

2 Tim. 3:2,4 - Men shall be lovers of their own selves, lovers of pleasure. 2 Tim. 3:3 - But men will be without natural affection. This is the reason for their selfish love. When love is a feeling, that is natural human affection. Natural human affection is always based on something within the person I love. (There is something I like about them because they make me feel good.) Song of Sol. 4:1, His love for his bride: attracted by her eyes, hair, teeth, lips...all is fair, no spot (is his thought of her). Song of Sol. 5:8, Her love for him: lovesick--head, locks, eyes, cheeks... -God made us to have natural affection, but that is not enough. -If my love is based on things I see in a person, & then for some reason changes through tragedy, that love falls apart. -Some men say, I don't love her anymore--the feeling is all gone. God's love, divine love, is not dependent upon something in the person I love, but divine love is based on something in the lover; it is not a feeling, but an action; it is not something I feel but something I do towards a person. John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that He gave-- God gave Jesus & because Jesus is God, God gave Himself. Divine love gives, & never talks about it in terms of feeling. DIVINE LOVE: IS TO GIVE MYSELF TO ANOTHER PERSON'S LEGITIMATE NEEDS. -This kind of love comes from a commitment in my heart. It would save every marriage if there were this kind of commitment made between husbands & wives. -Jesus loved individuals, not as a mass: Martha, Mary, Lazarus, John (whom Jesus loved), rich young ruler... To dwell with saints below, O that will be glory; But to live below with saints we know, Well, that is another story. (WHAT TO DO WHEN SOMEONE SAYS, "I DON'T LOVE MY SPOUSE ANYMORE," & steps to take, Mt. 5:44). -How can I love my wife? Eph. 5:24, love as Christ: "& gave Himself for it. -A husband said, that is too hard. Then let's look at a lesser love: Lk. 10:27-28, Love as neighbor - still too hard, he said; Love as self - still too hard, he said; then, Matt. 5:44, Love your enemies. Jesus' formula for loving someone you don't love (Mt. 5:43-44): 1. Bless them that curse you. 2. Do good to them that hate you. 3. Pray for them that despitefully use you & persecute you. (NOTE: The beginning of SIDE 2 of this cassette tape is on page 1, indicated above by the bold words, DIVINE LOVE:...) 1. BLESS with your mouth--communication with the mouth. Often the people we don't love we talk against them, especially in a marriage. Instead, talk good about them. A curse can even be in the form of a prayer ("Lord, get them; strike them down.") In prayer talk good things. 2. DO GOOD: Find a way to serve them--give yourself to their legitimate needs. But you say, I don't feel like it. The behaviorists who have taught us that our feelings control our actions have it exactly backwards. We need to get back to our ACTIONS TO CONTROL OUR FEELINGS, & then our feelings will catch up with our actions. 3. PRAY FOR THEM, not against them. Illus: A Christian soap salesman said, "There is another salesman from another chemical company who is calling on my customers & lying about me & my product, & stealing my customers. I am so angry, what should I do?" Pray for God to bless him, rather than telling everyone else bad things about him. Try to think of something good about him (a good salesman). He sent to him a letter with four Spiritual Laws & gave his testimony. One week later he took another account from him--his biggest. I advised him to keep loving him, that is your responsibility; it is up to God to do the rest. You don't have to like him, but love him. One week later God gave him more sales in that week than he had had for the whole month because he was willing to love him. If you love (give to another's needs), God will change your feelings. Illus: Woman with 2 little girls, husband divorced her & left her to raise the children. Another man's wife divorced him & left him with 2 little boys to raise. This man & woman married, & she thought she could love the boys, but they kicked & screamed at her, saying, "You aren't my mother, I don't have to listen to you." Her marriage was at an end & she was ready to be committed to a mental institution. I said to her, "God doesn't require you to love those 2 boys like you do your 2 girls." She was astonished. Just love them with divine love--give to their needs: PRAY FOR THEM--don't talk against them to husband & friends, but bless & praise them with your mouth. "But I already do things for them--wash, feed & clothe them. What else do they need?" AFFECTION--hug them, kiss them, & say, I love you; spend time alone with each child & love them. One day she was bathing the younger boy, & holding him in her arms bent down to kiss his wet shoulder & told him, I love you. He threw his arms around her & hugged her, & she was full of the warmest feelings. The older boy came home from school, ran to her & threw his arms around her & said, I love you, mommy. She didn't have any problem with her feelings any longer. If I give of myself & let God's love flow through me, there will be no problem in loving someone, no matter what the circumstance--when I give myself to someone's legitimate needs. SUMMARY: God made us to have natural affection, but that isn't enough. God's definition of divine love in Mt. 5:44 can change the most difficult relationship in a marriage, or any other relationship.