Inspirational Quotes on Humorous

“The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.”

“New roads; new ruts.”

“When I was young, I said to God, "God, tell me the mystery of the universe." But God answered, "That knowledge is reserved for me alone." So I said, "God, tell me the mystery of the peanut." Then God said, "Well George, that's more nearly your size." And he told me.”

“Going to the opera, like getting drunk, is a sin that carries its own punishment with it and that a very severe one.”

“A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.”

“Clothes and manners do not make the man; but, when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance.”

“No man is sane who does not know how to be insane on proper occasions.”

“Most of you are so young you don't know who I am, and that's good.”

“Good executives never put off until tomorrow what they can get someone else to do today.”

“Remember, man does not live on bread alone: sometimes he needs a little buttering up.”

“All thing I thought I knew; but now confess, the more I know I know, I know the less.”

“I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US congress.”

“A book reads the better which is our own, and has been so long known to us, that we know the topography of its blots, and dog's ears, and can trace the dirt in it to having read it at tea with buttered muffins.”

“Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage; and half shut afterward.”

“How to trap an atheist: Serve him a fine meal, then ask him if he believes there is a cook.”

“Epitath: Here lies an atheist; all dressed up and no place to go.”

“Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.”

“Knitting gives women something to think about while they are talking.”

“In marriage there are three rings - the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffer-ring.”

“A husband is one who stands by you in troubles you wouldn't have had if you hadn't married him.”