Inspirational Quotes on Humorous

“Clothes and manners do not make the man; but, when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance.”

“Keep thy eyes wide open before marriage; and half shut afterward.”

“Swallowing your pride seldom leads to indigestion.”

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”

“A little lie is like a little pregnancy-it doesn't take long before everyone knows.”

“Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much.”

“No man is sane who does not know how to be insane on proper occasions.”

“How to trap an atheist: Serve him a fine meal, then ask him if he believes there is a cook.”

“Sin wouldn't be so attractive if the wages were paid immediately.”

“God likes a little humor, as is evidence by the fact that he made the monkeys, the parrot -- and some of you people.”

“By perseverance the snail reached the ark.”

“The only way of catching a train I have ever discovered is to miss the train before.”

“Most of you are so young you don't know who I am, and that's good.”

“Epitath: Here lies an atheist; all dressed up and no place to go.”

“Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.”

“[...] dropped his master's head upon the floor with a pretty loud crash, and then, without an effort to lift it up, gazed upon the bystanders, as if he had done something rather clever than otherwise.”

“I have made this letter longer than usual, only because I have not had the time to make it shorter.”

“Women, can't live with them, can't live without them.”

“The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.”

“Good executives never put off until tomorrow what they can get someone else to do today.”