Ephesians 5:25

In the Greco-Roman world in which Paul lived, people recognized that wives had certain responsibilities to their husbands but not vice versa. [Note: Wood, p. 76.] Paul summarized the wife’s duty as submission and the husband’s duty as love. The word he used for love (agapate) means much more than sexual passion (eros) or even family affection (philia). It means seeking the highest good for another person (cf. Ephesians 2:4). Husbands are to love their wives in the same way that Christ loved the church. The extent to which He went for her welfare was giving Himself up in death to provide salvation for her (cf. Ephesians 5:2; Philippians 2:5-11). He gave up His rights yet maintained His responsibilities. The biblical concept of authority emphasizes responsibility, not tyranny.

Love requires an attitude of unconditional acceptance of an imperfect person not based on her performance but on her intrinsic worth as God’s gift to her husband. The verbalization of this acceptance is part of loving. Love also requires sacrificial action. It involves doing something, specifically, placing the wife’s needs before his own, such as doing something for her that she hates to do. It also involves self-denial, such as giving up something he would enjoy doing to do something she would like to do. This kind of love arises out of a commitment of the will, not just passing feelings.

Different people feel loved as a result of receiving different expressions of love. Giving words of affirmation effectively communicates love to some people, giving quality time does to others, giving gifts, giving acts of service, and giving physical touches communicate love to others. [Note: Gary D. Chapman, The Five Love Languages.] The husband who wishes to make his wife feel loved should discover which of these expressions of love best communicate his love to his wife.