1 Peter 3:9

Like Jesus and Paul, Peter urged his readers not to take revenge. We should return positive good deeds for evil ones (1 Peter 2:23; cf. Matthew 5:9; Romans 12:9-18; 1 Corinthians 4:12; 1 Thessalonians 5:15).

"As Christians we can live on one of three levels. We can return evil for good, which is the satanic level. We can return good for good and evil for evil, which is the human level. Or, we can return good for evil, which is the divine level. Jesus is the perfect example of this latter approach (1 Peter 2:21-23)." [Note: Wiersbe, 2:412.]

The ground for the Christian’s good will to others, even our enemies, is the mercy we receive from God. God blessed us when we were His enemies (Romans 5:10). Our blessing (Gr. eulogein, lit. to speak well) may be verbal or tangible. Peter’s reference to inheriting a blessing reminds us of the inheritance he spoke of earlier and urged us to keep in view (1 Peter 1:4). However, God will give us this part of our inheritance only if we faithfully do His will (cf. Hebrews 12:17).

The type of relationship in which we return insult for insult is one that intends to hurt the other person with remarks or actions. This approach springs from an unforgiving and hardened heart attitude. We can insult another person by hiding (the quiet method) or by hurling verbal or physical abuse (the noisy method). An insult can lead another person to clam up or to blow up. Both claming up and blowing up produce bitterness and isolation. The insult for insult response often occurs when two people develop habits of reacting in certain ways in certain similar situations. Therefore it is often helpful to analyze the circumstances that seem to produce this response inevitably.

The blessing for insult response, however, is one in which we react kindly when we suffer ill treatment. It springs from an attitude of forgiveness. It has its focus on God and the promises of His Word. Instead of reacting in anger, we respond with forgiveness. The consequences of taking this approach in interpersonal relationships are getting a blessing, having a full life, and walking with God (1 Peter 3:9-12).

How does one give a blessing instead of an insult? We refrain from speaking evil, walk away from it, do positive good, and seek to make peace rather than trouble (1 Peter 3:10-12). Our attitude is crucial. What kind of relationship will you seek to develop and maintain with your mate? The insult for insult type results in isolation, but the blessing for insult type results in oneness in marriage. [Note: Family Life . . ., pp. 145-48.]