Verses 1-22
The Unacceptable And Unscrupulous Behaviour Of David’s Firstborn Son Amnon And His Ravishing And Then Rejection Of David’s Beautiful Daughter (2 Samuel 13:1-22 ).
The first consequence of David’s sins had been seen in the death of David’s baby son. Now the next consequence would be seen in the behaviour of his firstborn, Amnon. He too, like his father, saw a woman and lusted after her, and then took her and lay with her. Like father, like son. And then he too would callously desert her in order to go about his own affairs. It is difficult to decide whose behaviour was most despicable, that of David or that of Amnon. But while he had learned his behaviour from his father, Amnon did not have David’s spirituality, nor had he learned to repent. Watch, then, O David, and be ashamed.
Analysis.
a And it came about after this, that Absalom the son of David had a fair sister, whose name was Tamar, and Amnon the son of David loved her (2 Samuel 13:1).
b And Amnon was so vexed that he fell sick because of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed hard to Amnon to do anything to her (2 Samuel 13:2).
c But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother, and Jonadab was a very cunning man. And he said to him, “Why, O son of the king, are you thus lean (peakish) from day to day? Will you not tell me?” And Amnon said to him, “I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister”. And Jonadab said to him, “Lay yourself down on your bed, and pretend that you are ill, and when your father comes to see you, say to him, “Let my sister Tamar come, I pray you, and give me bread to eat, and dress the food in my sight, so that I may see it, and eat it from her hand” (2 Samuel 13:3-5).
d Amnon lay down, and pretended that he was ill, and when the king was come to see him, Amnon said to the king, “Let my sister Tamar come, I pray you, and make me a couple of cakes in my sight, that I may eat from her hand.” Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, “Go now to your brother Amnon’s house, and dress him food” (2 Samuel 13:6-7).
e So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house, and he was lying down. And she took dough, and kneaded it, and made cakes in his sight, and baked the cakes. And she took the pan, and poured them out before him. But he refused to eat (2 Samuel 13:8-9 a).
f And Amnon said, “Have out all men from me.” And they went out every man from him (2 Samuel 13:9 b).
g And Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the other room, that I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them into the other room to Amnon her brother (2 Samuel 13:10).
h And when she had brought them near to him to eat, he took hold of her, and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister” (2 Samuel 13:11).
i And she answered him, “No, my brother, do not force me, for no such thing ought to be done in Israel. Do not do this folly. And as for me, where shall I carry my shame? And as for you, you will be as one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, I pray you, speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you” (2 Samuel 13:12-13).
h However he would not listen to her voice; but being stronger than she, he forced her, and lay with her. Then Amnon hated her with a very strong hatred, for the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her (2 Samuel 13:14-15 a).
g And Amnon said to her, “Arise, be gone”. And she said to him, “Not so, because this great wrong in putting me forth is worse than the other that you did to me.” But he would not listen to her (2 Samuel 13:15-16).
e Then he called his servant who ministered to him, and said, “Put now this woman out from me, and bolt the door after her” (2 Samuel 13:17).
d And she had a garment of varied colours on her, for with such robes were the king’s daughters who were virgins dressed. Then his servant brought her out, and bolted the door after her (2 Samuel 13:18).
c And Tamar put ashes on her head, and tore her garment of varied colours which was on her, and she laid her hand on her head, and went her way, crying aloud as she went. And Absalom her brother said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? But now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother. Do not take this thing to heart.” So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house (2 Samuel 13:19-20).’
b And when king David heard of all these things, he was exceedingly angry (2 Samuel 13:21).
a And Absalom spoke to Amnon neither good nor bad, for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar (2 Samuel 13:22).
Note that in ‘a’ Amnon loved Absalom’s sister and in the parallel Absalom hated Amnon because of what he had done to his sister. In ‘b’ Amnon was deeply emotionally upset as a result of thwarted love that it made him ill, and in the parallel David was deeply emotionally angry when he heard what Amnon had done. In ‘c’ Amnon told his cunning friend about his love for his sister Tamar and plotted her downfall, and in the parallel we learn of the result of that plotting of her downfall at the hands of Amnon her brother. In ‘d’ David the king sent Tamar to Amnon’s apartments in order that she might prepare cakes for Amnon, and in the parallel Amnon locked her out of his apartments as one who had come to him wearing the apparel of the king’s daughters. In ‘e’ Amnon refused to eat of what she had prepared for him, and in the parallel he refused to have his sister in his room with him because he had partaken of her and did not want her any more. In ‘f’ Amnon thrust out all the servants, and in the parallel he thrust out Tamar. In ‘g’ Amnon made her enter his inner room, and in the parallel he thrust her from his inner room. In ‘h’ he pleaded with Tamar to lie with him, and in the parallel he forced her to lie with him. Centrally in ‘i’ she pleaded with him not to deflower her and suggested that he ask the king for her hand, (only to be refused).
‘ And it came about after this, that Absalom the son of David had a fair sister, whose name was Tamar, and Amnon the son of David loved her.’
Following on the previous events of 2 Samuel 11-12 we now discover that Absalom, the king’s third son, had a sister named Tamar who was very beautiful, so much so that Amnon, the firstborn son of David loved her. It is stressed that both Absalom and Amnon were sons of David, which indicates that Tamar was the king’s daughter and Amnon’s half-sister, and as such she was forbidden to him by the Law (Leviticus 20:17). All were therefore part of David’s household, that household that should have been so blessed as a result of YHWH’s covenant, but would now face tragedy because of what David had done. David had laid down the markers, and now it was his children who would suffer as a result, and this in spite of the fact that David quite evidently loved his children.
As David did not marry Maacah, the mother of Absalom and Tamar, until after he had been made king at Hebron (see 2 Samuel 3:3), these events cannot have taken place before the twentieth year of his reign.
‘ And Amnon was so constrained that he fell sick because of his sister Tamar, for she was a virgin, and it seemed hard to Amnon to do anything to her.’
Amnon loved his half-sister so intensely that it was making him sick. As a result he was ‘made narrow’ or ‘hemmed in by anxiety’ because of his love for his half-sister and it caused him to be ill.
“It seemed hard to Amnon to do anything to her.” He longed to take her and win her affection and make love to her, but found it impossible, partly because of her maidenly modesty and unwillingness to engage in anything wrong, partly because she would be regularly chaperoned, and partly because he knew that it was illegal. While it was true that Abraham had married his half-sister, such a marriage was now no longer allowed (Leviticus 20:17).
‘ But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah, David’s brother, and Jonadab was a very cunning man.’
But Amnon had a close friend who was his cousin, whose name was Jonadab. He was the son of David’s brother Shimeah (Shammah). He was a very cunning man (it is not the same word as the one which described the cunning of the serpent in Genesis 3:0, but the idea is the same). It is a reminder of how careful we should be about the kind of people with whom we make close friends.
‘ And he said to him, “Why, O son of the king, are you thus lean (peakish) from day to day? Will you not tell me?” And Amnon said to him, “I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” ’
Jonadab, seeing how peakish Amnon was getting, persistently asked him what his problem was. And in the end Amnon admitted that he loved with great intensity his half-sister Tamar, Absalom’s sister. Note the writer’s emphasis on ‘O son of the king’. This was the problem. Amnon was following in the train of his father and copying David’s mid-life arrogance. It was because he saw himself as the son of the king that he felt able to do what he did without regard to anyone.
‘ And Jonadab said to him, “Lay yourself down on your bed, and pretend that you are ill, and when your father comes to see you, say to him, “Let my sister Tamar come, I pray you, and give me bread to eat, and dress the food in my sight, so that I may see it, and eat it from her hand.” ’
Jonadab then suggested to him how he could obtain what he wanted. All he had to do was pretend that he was ill and ask his father to send Tamar to him in order that she might specially prepare food in his presence. Then the rest would be up to Amnon.
‘ So Amnon lay down, and pretended that he was ill, and when the king was come to see him, Amnon said to the king, “Let my sister Tamar come, I pray you, and make (telabeb) me a couple of cakes (lebiboth) in my sight, that I may eat from her hand.” ’
Following Jonadab’s advice Amnon, who was consumed with desire, lay down and pretended that he was ill, and when ‘the king’, his concerned father, came to him he requested that his sister Tamar be allowed to come and make cakes in front of him in order to tempt his appetite. Note the double reference to ‘the king’. What was to happen was the result of royal arrogance.
The word for ‘make’ and the word for ‘cakes’ both come from the Hebrew root lbb from which comes the noun for heart, which is connected with the life principle. We could thus translate ‘love-cakes’ or ‘life-cakes’. The play on meaning is deliberate.
Had David been astute he would have realised what was afoot, he was after all well familiar with bedroom affairs, but like many a father he would find it impossible to believe that his son could be capable of such villainy. He did not realise how much his own example had made them arrogant in their attitudes because they were ‘the king’s sons’.
‘ Then David sent home to Tamar, saying, “Go now to your brother Amnon’s house, and dress him food.” ’
So David sent a message to Tamar calling on her to go to her brother Amnon’s living quarters and dress some food for him. He would expect the servants to be present. It came to her, of course, as a royal command so that there was little that she could do but obey.
‘So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house, and he was lying down. And she took dough, and kneaded it, and made cakes in his sight, and baked the cakes. And she took the pan, and poured them out before him. But he refused to eat.’
So Tamar went to Amnon’s living quarters where he was lying down, presumably on cushions. But she would sense no danger, for all the servants were present. And there she took dough and kneaded it, and moulded it into cakes in front of him, and baked the cakes. Note the long drawn out description which is building up the tension of the story. It is all so deliberate, and the listener all the time knew what was going on in Amnon’s mind.
Then when the cakes were baked she presented them to Amnon. But he refused to eat them. This was another sign of his arrogance, but it probably touched her sisterly heart as suggesting how ill Amnon was. It was insidiously clever (just as David had been insidiously clever in arranging the death of Uriah).
‘And Amnon said, “Have out all men from me.” And they went out every man from him.’
Then Amnon ordered all the servants out of the room and they all left, leaving the two alone together. Poor Tamar. She was still innocent of men, and she loved her brother chastely. She was seemingly unafraid and unaware of her danger. And he was after all the king’s firstborn.
‘ And Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food into the innermost room, that I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them into the innermost room to Amnon her brother.’
Amnon then called on Tamar to bring the food into the innermost room where he would eat it from her hand. And because she was fond of him, and because he was the crown prince apparent, she did what he requested. As a loving and sympathetic sister she suspected nothing.
‘ And when she had brought them near to him to eat, he took hold of her, and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.” ’
But when she did approach him with the food he became violent and seized her, demanding that she have sexual relations with him. Tamar must have been deeply horrified. She had never dreamed that her brother could behave like this. But this was all the result of the arrogance that David had bred into his sons by his own example. What he was suggesting was contrary to all that she had been brought up to believe. Unlike Amnon she was not experienced in such matters.
‘ And she answered him, “No, my brother, do not force me, for no such thing ought to be done in Israel. Do not do this folly. And as for me, where shall I carry my shame? And as for you, you will be as one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, I pray you, speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you.” ’
So she pleaded with him, and begged him not to rape her, pointing out that it was not the kind of thing that was acceptable in Israel, especially as she was his half-sister. It was contrary to God’s Law. She asked him not to behave so foolishly, and to consider how as a result of any such action she would be shamed in the sight of all, so much so that she would have nowhere to hide. She would no longer be a chaste virgin. And as for him he would be seen as ‘one of the fools in Israel’. The implication behind the word ‘fool’ was that he would be seen as godless and rebellious against YHWH (Psalms 14:1).
Thus she begged him to ask the king for her hand in marriage, assuring him that she was sure that the king, who doted on his sons, would not withhold her from him. She may well not have known about ‘the forbidden degrees’ (Leviticus 20:17), for parents arranged marriages, and she had led a sheltered life, or alternatively she may simply have been devising any means of getting way from him with her virginity intact. She was in fact saying to him, ‘let the king decide what we should do’. It was basically an appeal to the king that Amnon should have listened to.
‘ However he would not listen to her voice, but being stronger than she, he forced her, and lay with her.’
But Amnon was not listening. He was too possessed with lust to take notice of anything reasonable. Poor Tamar had never seen her brother like this before, as, mad with lust, he refused to listen to her pleas and violently raped her where she was. It was an act of total callousness and depravity, which nevertheless aped the behaviour of his father.
‘ Then Amnon hated her with exceeding great hatred, for the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, “Arise, be gone.” ’
But having had his way with her his desire for her suddenly turned to hate. For there had been no real love in his heart, just an awakened sexual desire that happened to have fallen on Tamar, and now that it was satisfied his guilt for what he had done was turned on his innocent sister. The result was that he curtly and callously dismissed her from his room, saying, ‘Arise, be gone.’
Such a turning from passion to dislike is not uncommon in sexual affairs where the person is not loved for their own sake, and his extreme sense of guilt made him want to get rid of her from his sight.
‘ And she said to him, “Not so, because this great wrong in putting me forth is worse than the other that you did to me.” But he would not listen to her.’
The tumult in poor Tamar’s mind must have been awful in the extreme. She had been gently brought up and taught the horror of sexual behaviour outside marriage. And now she realised that the worst thing that could happen to any Israelite woman had happened to her. She had been deflowered outside the marriage bed. She was no longer a chaste virgin. And what was more the beast who had done it to her, whom she had always looked on as a loving brother, was now rejecting her. Unable to believe it she begged him with tears to reconsider. Raping her had been bad enough, but turning her away after what he had done was worse even than the act itself. However, he would not listen. Why should he? He was the king’s eldest son.
‘ Then he called his servant who ministered to him, and said, “Put now this out from me, and bolt the door after her.” ’
Revealing his utter callousness and arrogance he then called on this close servant to take his young sister whom he called ‘this’ and throw her out, bolting the door behind her. O David, what have you done to your children?
‘ And she had a garment of varied colours on her, for with such robes were the king’s daughters who were virgins dressed. Then his servant brought her out, and bolted the door after her.’
And so the beautiful daughter of the king, still wearing the clothes which were the badge of the king’s virgin daughter, but now cruelly deflowered and raped by the king’s own son, was thrust out from Amnon’s rooms, with the door bolted behind her. The servant probably did not know what was going on, and did his master’s bidding.
‘ And Tamar put ashes on her head, and tore her garment of varied colours which was on her, and she laid her hand on her head, and went her way, crying aloud as she went.’
But Tamar knew. It is impossible for us to have any conception of how distraught Tamar must have felt. She was a young immature girl who had experienced a sexual nightmare. She must have been totally bewildered and devastatingly upset. She would not have been able to believe that her own half-brother whom she had trusted and looked up to, had done to her what to any woman was unimaginable. Her life was in ruins. She put ashes on her head as a sign of mourning for her lost virginity, and tore her virginal garments of many colours, an act which indicated both deep emotion and the tearing away of her virginity, and she put her hand to her head as a sign of her distress and despair (compare Jeremiah 2:37). Then she went her way weeping and crying in her distress. All in a moment her life had been torn apart, while Amnon no doubt lay callously on his cushions, totally unconcerned. For Amnon had learned his lesson well from David. He had learned callousness and an arrogant disregard for others, because he was a king’s son and could do whatever he wanted, just as the king had done, without any likelihood of repercussions (if his father said anything he would simply say, ‘What about Bathsheba and Uriah?’.
‘ And Absalom her brother said to her, “Has Amnon your brother been with you? But now hold your peace, my sister. He is your brother. Do not take this thing to heart.” So Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom’s house.’
But when Absalom, her blood brother, who loved her dearly, learned what had happened it bit deep into his soul. Indeed this act of Amnon’s understandably changed Absalom from being a loyal son and brother into a creature determined on revenge. He would have the evidence of Amnon’s deed ever before him. Even so he lovingly tried his best to assuage her grief, and to put the best light on things. So Amnon her brother had forced her to lay with him? Let her not take it too badly. After all he was her brother. She must not take it too deeply to heart, for surely David his father would ensure that the right thing was done by her? Poor Absalom. He did what he could. But he was only a man. How could he even begin to conceive what it meant to Tamar. And he still did not as yet know his father.
But even more we must say, poor Tamar. She remained desolate in her brother’s house. Her life was devastated and lay in ruins around her. The lovely young princess who had gone to Amnon with such innocence and sisterly love had grown almost immediately inward looking and old before her time, seeing herself as a thing despoiled and being totally ashamed.
‘ But when king David heard of all these things, he was very angry.’
When king David heard of all that had happened he was very angry. Well done David!! However, what about putting things right, at least as far as possible? He should, of course, have sentenced Amnon to death for incest. But he did not do that, and he also probably did not want his firstborn married to a disgraced woman, especially when she was within the forbidden degrees. So he probably ranted and raged, and then did nothing. Once again we are faced with a clear flaw in David’s character. He should have exerted himself to behave justly, but when it came to family matters he was weak, made even weaker because of his own bad example. In his eyes what his sons did could not really be wrong. In his eyes they were above the Law. David’s obedience to YHWH was flawed when it came to his sons. But it was a flaw that was to cost him dear, for Absalom had learned from his father how to dispose of what got in your way.
‘ And Absalom spoke to Amnon neither good nor bad, for Absalom hated Amnon, because he had forced his sister Tamar.’
And as for Absalom he said nothing to his brother. In fact he simply never spoke to him again, and presumably ostracised him. But in his heart he was nursing hatred and a desire for vengeance, a desire no doubt continually fed by what he saw of his sister and what she had become, for she would be no longer bright and lively but totally withdrawn into herself. Amnon had not killed her, but he may as well have done so, for he had ruined her life completely. And it would seem that Absalom’s anger was not only directed at Amnon, but at the king himself, because he had not given Tamar justice. Whatever would follow, David had brought on himself. He had only himself to blame.
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