My sin cost Jesus His blood. Has it cost me tears? The Father forsook His Son when He became sin for me, sin that broke Him. Is it leaving me whole? Sin caused Him to bow His head. Am I still unbowed? My sin covered His face with shame and blood. Does it cover mine with shame?
My sin caused Him agony. Am I still at peace? My sin caused His soul to be troubled. Is mine at rest? My sin pierced His side. Has it pierced my soul? My sin rent His heart. Has it broken mine? My sin stripped His body before the crowd. Has my soul been stripped before God?
Has my sin caused me sleepless hours as it did Him? Has my sin cost me tears as it did Him? Has my sin cost me one meal? He fasted.
Being sin-sick means: a mind so troubled I cannot sleep; a heart so heavy I cannot talk, the only language a groan; a body so burdened I have no desire for food.
In the presence of God I see my sin:
my eyes—"no fear of God before their eyes" (Rom. 3:18).
my ears—"ears that hear not" (Ezek. 12:2).
my lips—"unclean" (Is. 6:5).
my hands—"do evil with both hands" (Mic. 7:3).
my feet—"their feet run to evil" (Prov. 1:16).
my heart—"deceitful above all things" (Jer. 17:9).
How could He have:
wept over me with His eyes,
listened to me with His ears,
called me with His lips,
lifted me up with His hands,
sought me with His feet,
loved me with all His heart?
If I want a new vision of Jesus, I must get a new vision of my sin. As you behold your sin and the wounds your sin has made, your heart will break. Let my first prayer not be, "Lord, fill me," but "Lord, empty me" (of my sin); not "Lord, cleanse me," but "Lord, break me."
Where there is a conviction of sin there is no vagueness. I may realize I have failed God in service, in prayer, and in obedience, but if I am not broken I know nothing of a conviction of sin. The most deeply broken is not of necessity the most sinful; he is the one who has given God the fullest opportunity to search and probe. I must be honest with God and man about my sin until nothing remains hidden. When I pray out every sin the Holy Spirit reveals to me, calling them by the ugly names God gives them, then I realize their magnitude and also God’s compassion.
Praying out my sin will leave me torn, but I will not wish to be spared. I will want above all to be cleansed. The gateway to Heaven is a pearl, a product of sacrifice, a heart rent. The gateway to the Cross is a tear, the product of a rent heart. The woman who was a sinner took the lowest place, behind His back, kneeling at His feet (Luke 7:36-38). Job took that place (in dust and ashes) crying, "I am vile, I cannot speak" (Job 40:4). David did likewise, "My heart is sore pained" (Ps. 55:4). Paul fell to the ground and came to see himself as the "chief of sinners" (1 Tim. 1:15). Mary’s remembrance of her sin brought tears enough to cover His feet. Only one who has had much forgiven can love much.
When my heart breaks in the dust, I find Someone there with me, kneeling with me, breaking with me. The heart that breaks because of its sin will be able to break because of Calvary and because of a lost world. Once my heart breaks because of sin, He will be able to use me to help others to the place where their hearts will bleed because of their sin. A broken heart is pained by the sins of defeated ones and weeps for them. It hates sin the more because of what it sees sin is doing. A broken heart yearns for the unbroken and the lost who will never know of the blood to cleanse and of the balm to heal. Oh, that Thou wouldst break my heart to the degree that it will never lose its melted tenderness again!
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