AWFUL REPETITION OF THE INWARD STRUGGLES
Having passed the Provincial Examination for candidates for the ministry, Evan Roberts is now free to enter a school to prepare for the Trevecca College Examination. But the path is not yet open and clear.
He is again undergoing a hard struggle. What can it be? A repetition of those already described in another chapter. The cause of it lies in a desire to consecrate himself to the work of Christ. It is entirely an inward struggle, and he tells no one of it. This is one of the elements that makes it so keen. The two sides in the battle are (1) a passionate desire to go out there and then to work for the Master, and (2) a thirst for knowledge, the acquiring of which would mean entering some school. He gave the two sides his serious consideration. The pitiable condition of the unbelieving world appealed so strongly to him at times as to well nigh make him give up all and venture forth to tell sinners of a Saviour; then again the necessity for education would assert it self forcibly in his mind, and he felt it to be his duty to train himself to the uttermost degree. This feeling was feeling was strengthened by his great thirst for knowledge alluded to. He would spend hours in prayer, seeking light in his great difficulty. Who can describe with the pen all that he, suffered from the August examination to September Bth. His fiery experience during these weeks is beyond description. Of the two great inclinations warring in his soul, it can be said: —
This one strong, and that one mighty,
Which will win the struggle keen?
The battle being so fierce, and himself so reticent concerning it, his experience must have been terrible making it extremely difficult for him to decide what to do. Things remained in this state until the time drew nigh for the re-opening of the Grammar School at Newcastle Emlyn. And at last the day for decision arrived — decision between two old desires that had been at least thirteen years in Evan Roberts’s soul. They were the desire to work for Christ, and the desire for knowledge. How will the battle turn? It would be an easy way to avoid the trouble and drudgery necessary in the learning of difficult subjects, and do away with examinations — to resolve to go out immediately to work for the Master. The thought of avoiding difficulties did not enter his mind. He could undertake arduous duties like a hero. That the desire to go out to work for Christ had to give way to the other is a sufficient proof of this. When the time to make the decision came, he collected all his energies together, and concluded that it would be better for him to enter school for a course of education. This struggle, however, was not gone through without leaving a deep impression upon him, and one would think that it would be the means of terminating the inward struggles of his soul. But, as we shall see, it was not so. His decision only brought him into a still harder conflict. After entering School at Newcastle-Emlyn on September Bth, 1904, under Mr. John Phillips, son of the Rev. Evan Phillips, things became much worse in his case. He had difficulty in deciding to enter School; but had much more afterwards. The old desire to work for Jesus reasserted itself anew, and Iike the unclean spirit referred to by Christ, it brought seven others with it. After the struggle in which it was conquered at Loughur, it gained in strength, and is now seven times as powerful. With the desire for self-consecration to the Saviour’s work, another thing came in, namely, inability to remain with any book, except the Bible. When engaged with his school books, he was possessed with some strange, unaccountable feeling. Owing to this, he was at times a burden and a terror to himself. The strange thing in connection with this experience was that to seize the Bible gave him perfect peace. Day after day he fought against this, and he would shake his head in the attempt to be rid of it, all in vain. He tried his very best to get his desire for education and the things essential for the college entrance examination to outweigh all else, but his efforts were of no avail. He sought in prayer for strength to overcome in this direction when in trouble, but neither strength nor light was forthcoming. Only by opening the Book of books would he obtain peace. On one occasion he was learning a lesson in Welsh Grammar, and after committing to memory about twelve lines he suffered most terribly in body and mind, and was obliged to throw the book from his hands, and take up the Bible. After opening it, his bosom became calm. Relating his experiences to some of the best, and ablest men, they advised him to cling to his studies, and he testifies, that he made honest attempts to act upon their advice. But when he summoned all his mental powers for this purpose, he was led by some powerful force to dwell upon the world’s sinfulness. This brought every other idea into subjection to itself. It reigned as king, compelling all others to be its subjects. Evan Roberts saw that he was himself powerless to overcome this influence that drew his attention from his school books, and hence he would pray for strength to overcome it, and earnestly besought the Lord to help him in this, but his players were unanswered. His experiences at school were repeated at home, he would open a book only to find it flaming in his hand. He would at once kneel in prayer seeking deliverance from such all awful experience, but on taking up the book again, it would be aflame. But when he had the Bible in his hand, the commotion within him ceased at once. This experience with the school books increased daily, so that the awe that eventually possessed him, made it impossible to battle against it. I put, said he, all the weight of my energy and will in the direction of only studies, but something drew me irresistibly to think of the condition of the lost world. That he was able to struggle so long with this power that swayed him is a sufficient proof that he possesses an exceptional will power. Evan Roberts affords an excellent example of a man in whom many selves strive for mastery. The self of work, of music, of mathematics, of poetry, of art, of learning English, shorthand, and competition, and others fought hard in his mind for the throne. In the midst of them, however, the self of the Revivalist stood like a giant from his shoulders taller than all. When some other self sought to gain complete control in the mind, this one would appear on the scene. This self was predominant in Evan Roberts from the age of thirteen, and the work of the other selves was but a contribution to its cultivation, its strengthening and development. In the struggles, the self of the Revivalist gained such moral strength and courage as to say silence to all the other. From August 16th, 1904, until the end of October, were memorable weeks in his history. Were the world in his possession, many a psychologist would give it in exchange for a clear view of Evan Roberts’s mind during this time. What if we could perceive all the activities, subeonscious, and conscious of his soul, during this period, as God perceived them. Oh! wondrous sight! One of the most important mental struggles in the history of the Welsh nation would be seen — a struggle which gave birth to the means of a mighty Revival. Here were the highest potentialities of a soul at war with each other, and every one at its level best. This struggle was partly a condition in marking an epoch in the history of the nation. It certainly did much in the way of preparing the possibility of the Revivalist in Evan Roberts; it conditioned the development of one great and important step in that possibility. Every possibility in a man’s nature must have opposition to develop it, and the greater the opposition the greater the development. Struggles with opposing internal and external powers form one of the chief conditions of the world’s moral advancement. And if there be a strong moral possibility in a soul, the fiercer the struggles the better it is for it. The history of Evan Roberts verifies these statements. With these struggles one condition only is necessary to enable the possibility of the Revivalist to break down all barriers. That condition will be dealt with in another chapter. We have already said that the desire to accomplish something for Christ existed consciously in him since his thirteenth year. It was at this time that it took a conscious form, but it was not then that it came into existence. We believe that its history dates back to a time when he himself was unconscious of it, and his child-life is a proof of this. The desire was as old as Evan Roberts himself, but it could not attain its present magnitude were it not for all the preparations and conditions already mentioned. The great possibility grew from a seed that was ever in the soul, through its being cultivated by Heaven and earth, God and man, and by his own spirit. The developed state in which it now is was reached through struggles, all the phases of which God only knows. Things happened in these struggles, of which the Revivalist himself was not cognisant — things that were crises in his life, as they were activities below the line of consciousness. These were the subeonscious actions of his mind. As we shall again see, the appearance of the Revivalist in Evan Roberts was not sudden, but the result of his life-time — a product of a long process, and not chance or accident. It would be impossible to explain his development, without taking into account the strange struggles that lie endured, and the mental and emotional sufferings that he went through; and amongst them none harder could be found than those described above after his entrance to school.
Lest any one might think that he entirely neglected his studies during the six weeks he was at Newcastle Emlyn, it is necessary to give a short account of his stay there. From the description of his experience while at school, it would be easy for the reader to conclude that he did nothing but read the Bible and pray. But that would be very misleading. I obtained a detailed account of him while at school from Mr. John Phillips, his tutor, and to secure perfect accuracy, his remarks will be incorporated in this paragraph. Mr. Phillips met Evan Roberts for the first time in his father’s house, the Rev. Evan Phillips, and impressed him most favourably. On looking at him, he thought he was twenty-one years of age, five years younger than he really was. After describing this meeting, Mr. Phillips gave a minute and vivid account of Mr. Evan Roberts up to the time that he left school. The following points are comprised in his history — (1) Roberts soon impressed his tutor as being possessed of superior powers. He saw that in many directions he was far above the average student. The first week that he entered school, he was able to do Simple Equations, in Algebra, with unusual rapidity and ease (2) He was not long before making a start with all the branches necessary for the examination for entrance to College, such as Latin, Greek, English, Welsh, Euclid, and Arithmetic, etc. When working at these, they presented no difficulty to him; on the other hand, he did the lessons in them without any trouble (3) For attention and devotedness in class, he was second to none. He caught every word that the teacher said. When Mr. Phillips endeavoured to explain some difficulty, Evan Roberts would be all attention, trying to take in the explanation. Having understood the matter, his face would be seen to light up with a smile of satisfaction. His attentive attitude was a source of inspiration to the teacher who testifies that for paying attention he was the best that he has ever had in his class. Besides inspiring his teacher, he created in the class quite a pleasant tone. His presence sent a thrill of satisfaction, and happiness through every one near him. Owing to these things, his tutor was exceedingly unwilling to lose him from school. But, said he, in a letter to me, I now see that my loss was a gain to all Wales (4) Three weeks after he had begun at school, Mr. Phillips saw that Roberts was absent on a Friday, neither did he appear on the Following Monday. He began to grow anxious concerning him. In answer to inquiry Mr. Sydney Evans told him that he was confined to his room owing to a severe cold. At this time the Rev. Seth Joshua conducted a series of meetings in the Methodist Chapel at Newcastle-Emlyn, and on Tuesday night Evan Roberts could not keep away from the meeting, though unable to go to school. Mr. Phillips was surprised to understand that he was in the meeting, and more so that he had ventured out without an overcoat. He was vexed at this, fearing lest his cold would thus develop into something worse. Mr. Phillips failed in the attempt to get an opportunity that night of speaking to, and advising him. (5) The next day, Wednesday, his tutor learned that Roberts intended to join a company from the town, who were going to a religious conference held at Blaenanerch. He went to him at once, and, pleading the state of his health, tried to persuade him to stay at home. In spite of all his efforts, Roberts determined to go. All that Mr. Phillips succeeded in doing was to get him to take Tincture of Quinine to counteract the cold. We shall have a word to say about this day in another chapter (6) After the above mentioned day, there was no way of getting Roberts to School. His old desire to benefit a guilty world gained continually in strength during these weeks, and Io! it has conquered every other desire in his soul. To all who knew him there was something strange in his manner now, and he caused them no small anxiety lest his mind was becoming impaired. His teacher ever strove to get him to school, so as to draw him out of himself, and settle his mind upon his studies. He sought to understand what was the matter with him, but he failed. Well he knew that Evan Roberts was no idler, but a man filled with a spirit for work. What then could be the reason? There was but one conclusion that his friends could come to, and that was, that his mind was beginning to become affected. This grieved his tutor, and many a morning did he call upon him to try to get him to school, thinking that fellowship with the students would bring him out of his strange mood. But all was of no avail. His answers to his master were always gentlemanly, and were given in a good spirit, by telling him how sorry he was of his inability to attend school. Were I to come, he said, I could do nothing. I cannot do the school work at home, and so it would be, if I came with you. As he spoke these words, a heavenly smile would come over his face, and his eyes would fill with tears. Ere long, he would tell of the influence of the Holy Spirit upon him, and he seemed to be labouring under a heavy burden, his face twitching all over. His tutor completely failed to understand him, but from day to day the impression was deepened that Evan Roberts was a strange but conscientious young man. Still his behaviour almost proved too much for his tutor’s patience, and Mr. Phillips felt that he was in a measure unkind in pressing so much upon him to attend school. One morning, as he was trying to induce him to come, he said in reply that he had attempted to do a lesson in Welsh Grammar, but as soon as he opened the book, the Spirit would so influence him that to hold the book in his hand was impossible. The only Book, he remarked, that I shall read is the Bible. As a result of great pressure, he promised to attend the Algebra class only, on the following morning He came according to his word. How glad we were to see him, said Mr. Phillips. But it was only to be a short-lived joy, for this was the last occasion on which he attended school. On the following day, Mr. Sydney Evans went to a monthly meeting at Bwlchygroes, Pembrokeshire, and on the next day, Evan Roberts joined him. The two were present in response to an appeal from the people of Bwlchygroes. Here Evan Roberts met Dr. Hughes, of Rome, America, who accompanied him and Mr. Sydney Evans to Newcastle-Emlyn. The Doctor spent some time with him in his room, afterwards remarking to the daughters of the Rev. Evan Phillips that he feared the mental condition of the young man from Loughor. The Doctor related of persons that he had in America under the influence of religious mania, but the Misses Phillips told him that Evan Roberts, unlike those, did not see the dark side of things. No, answered he, but still I fear him very much. Dr. Hughes’ opinion caused Evan Roberts’s tutor to become much more anxious concerning him, and to fear that there was nothing awaiting him but insanity. He saw clearly now that there were no hopes of getting him to school, and he did not know what to do with him.
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