The British preacher Joseph Parker once said, "Speak to the suffering, and you will never lack an audience. There is a broken heart in every crowd." In this message, Robert Furrow teaches from John 11 and shares his personal story of loss and heartbreak, offering comfort and the hope of Jesus as he explores the signs of grief and how you can help others who are grieving.

00:00 Story
16:42 Steps of Grief
32:40 Savior and Grief

Story
• Robert was saved when he was thirteen years old.
• He married Lisa in 1982, and they started to attend Calvary Chapel.
• In 1985, they started a church in Tucson, Arizona. They found themselves helping people dealing with severe grief.
• After thirty years of ministry, Robert lost Lisa to stage four lung cancer.
• The last women’s conference Lisa led was about heaven.
• Robert was with her when she died in 2012.

Steps of Grief
• Robert went through grief for a year and a half. In 2015, he remarried.
• He knew he was coming out of his grief when remembering Lisa didn’t bring tears but smiles.
• Joy returned to his life when he began dating his current wife, Kathy.
• Grief is like an open wound; you don’t move on—you move forward toward healing.
• Grief is natural and necessary.
• When you face a loss, it takes time to heal.
• Many different things can cause grief: divorce, death, job loss, even losing pets.
• All people grieve, and all people deal with grief differently.
• How we deal with grief can be harmful or helpful.
• When helping those who are grieving, it’s better to say nothing than to say something trite or unhelpful. Listen first, and let the Spirit lead in how to help them heal.
• For Robert, it helped when a fellow pastor sat with him in silence. Later, they talked.
• At the right time, we should enter into empathy—feeling what the hurting person is feeling and grieving with them.
• The five formal stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
• Later, more stages were added: pain, guilt, reconstruction, and walking through.
• But not everyone follows all the stages, nor do they experience them in order.
• Robert learned that you have to go through grief, not around it or over it.
• When grief lets up, joy will begin to come back.
• Here’s some biblical help for grief:
• We must go through mourning (see Matthew 5:4).
• God is with us in grief (see Isaiah 53:4).
• God helps in our grieving (see Psalm 30:11).
• Our grieving will end (see Romans 8:18; Revelation 21:4).
• We’ll be reunited with our saved loved ones.
• What are you doing with the grieving? Learn to comfort others.

Savior and Grief
• In John 11, Jesus dealt with the death of His friend Lazarus.
• Martha told Jesus He could have prevented it.
• How did Jesus respond?
• Jesus comforted (see v. 23). He reminded Martha that He is the resurrection, and He pointed her to Himself (see vv. 25-26).
• Jesus connected with the people (see vv. 28-31). He showed compassion.
• Jesus cried (see v. 35). His compassion was shown through His groaning and tears.
• Jesus commanded (see v. 39). He told the people to roll away the stone—to anticipate healing.
• Jesus called His people to believe (see v. 42). Jesus raised Lazarus from death to show that He is from the Father.
• One day we’ll be reunited with other believers in heaven, just like Mary and Martha were reunited with a raised Lazarus.

Connect Up:
Due to the fall of Adam and Eve (see Genesis 2:17; 3), death—both spiritual and physical—came on humanity. Why do you think God allowed death? Though we may not know the totality of why God allowed death, we do know His remedy: Jesus. Using the Romans Road (a walk through the book of Romans explaining the plan of salvation), talk about each step God has given in His plan to rescue us from eternal death:
• Romans 3:10: none are righteous
• Romans 3:23: all have sinned
• Romans 6:23a: consequences of sin is death
• Romans 6:23b: gift of God is eternal life in Christ
• Romans 5:8-9: Christ died for us
• Romans 10:9-10: confess with your mouth and believe in Jesus in your heart
• Romans 10:13: whoever calls on the Lord will be saved

Connect In:
Using the outline given by Pastor Furrow in the Savior and Grief section, talk about how Christians are to deal with those who are grieving. What is the importance of each stage provided by Jesus: to comfort, connect, cry, command (remind people of God’s truth and presence), and call to believe? If you’ve gone through a time of grief, feel free to share your story. What was the most difficult part of it? How did God see you through?

Connect Out:
How can grief act as a means to share the gospel? Though one wouldn’t want to push the gospel down the throat of a grieving person (like Pastor Furrow reminded us), how can grief act as an open door to sharing God’s good news when the timing is right? If you have shared the gospel in a time of grief, discuss your story. What was the outcome? How did you see the Lord work through grief?